Liberation

A Leap of Faith: Painted Healing and a New Beginning

When my dream of becoming a mother didn’t come true, I picked up a paintbrush in the midst of loss—and began to reimagine my life.

This is a story of how creating became the path that healed my soul and illuminated my awakening.

Originally written and posted in English on October 9, 2022, this article has been newly edited for the blog.

Before reading this post, I recommend starting with my earlier blog, “My Awakening Journey.”

Table of Contents

1. Wishing Star

2. Certainty and Loss

3. Mourning the Invisible

4. The Choice

5. Creating Without a Map

6. A New Perspective

7. Stepping Into the New

8. A New Chapter Begins

1. Wishing Star

I began painting this piece in March 2022—just after my first and only embryo transfer ended in failure.

For the longest time, I truly believed that I would one day become a mother. But when breast cancer entered my life, that future began to waver.

Before starting chemotherapy, I underwent IVF and was able to create one embryo. I was 40 at the time, and my doctor told me the chances of success were very low.

“Prepare for the worst,” he said, “while hoping for the best.”

So when I heard the news that an embryo had formed, I was overjoyed and deeply encouraged. That tiny presence became my North Star—a shining hope to guide me through the stormy days of nausea and side effects.

After treatment, as I slowly regained my physical strength, I spent the next two years preparing for the embryo transfer.

2. Certainty and Loss

And finally, the day arrived.

Everything seemed to align so naturally, as if I were being gently guided by a greater current.

I truly believed—deep in my heart—“It’s going to be okay.”

The memory of that day is still vivid in my mind.

It was a cold February morning, just before dawn.

The sky was quiet, and above it, the full moon and Venus sparkled brightly. It felt as if the stars themselves were celebrating this new beginning with me.

There wasn’t a shred of doubt in my mind.

“I will become a mother”—that was my truth. My certainty.

And so, when I saw the result, everything went blank.

It cannot be. It must be just a bad dream.

Then I looked into my husband’s eyes and saw a reflection of my deep, silent sadness.

And I cried.

I cried more than I did when I was told I had cancer.

3. Mourning the Invisible

All my aspirations and identity tied to becoming a mother were crumbling.

It was terrifying and painful to let go. I felt sadness, anger, and even a sense of betrayal by the universe.

For the next few weeks, I quietly mourned the loss of my intangible dream.

But from my cancer journey, I had already learned:

A difficult experience can be the beginning of profound transformation.

4. The Choice

I had a choice to make:

Stay in the familiar darkness, or rise and create a new life with fresh perspective.

I chose the latter.

So I began painting.

5. Creating Without a Map

I didn’t know where the painting would take me, but I trusted it.

I kept reminding myself that I was exactly where I needed to be.

My creative force became my new North Star.

Over the next six months, the painting kept evolving.

Nothing stayed static. Everything was in motion.

6. A New Perspective

   
   

One day, a new realization dawned:

How much of my desire to become a mother came from within, and how much was influenced by others?

We are social beings. Our choices and values are shaped by our upbringing, our communities, and cultural expectations.

Even now, women are often expected to have children—even when it may not align with their path.

But our true essence is love.

And the energy of creation is not exclusive to human motherhood.

The love I pour into my paintings, writing, friendships, and my connection with animals and nature is no less sacred.

With this understanding, I was able to let go of things that no longer resonated with my soul’s evolution.

7. Stepping into the New

We are spiritual beings, having a human experience during a great awakening.

We’re headed to a New Earth—a higher realm of consciousness where we live in alignment with our gifts and truth.

But to create something entirely new, the old must first fall away.

Chaos is the birthplace of transformation.

Even when life feels heavy, turbulent, or uncertain, it is all part of our collective evolution.

8. A New Chapter Begins

We are each the protagonist and the author of our own life story.

In my script, the chapter on fertility came to a gentle close.

A new chapter has begun.

And I know it will be filled with light, love, empowerment, nourishing meals, and many paintings.

As I step into my 43rd Solar Circle, I remain open to what life has to offer—

creating my authentic story one brushstroke at a time.

With Love,

Junko

(Written on October 9, 2022)

(The following images show the evolution of my painting. The visions that appeared organically on the canvas guided me to heal, feel empowered, and ignite the creative light within.)