My Awakening Journey Through Breast Cancer

~A Light Within: Discovered in the Darkness of Despair~

In 2019, I was diagnosed with breast cancer — an encounter that marked the beginning of a profound inner journey. What began in the depths of despair slowly unfolded into the awakening of my soul. This blog is a reflection of that journey.

This piece was originally written in English and shared in 2020. I’ve re-edited for this blog. (Estimated reading time: 6 minutes)

▶ Table of Contents

1. Diagnosis and the Shock of Realisation

2. From Darkness to Light

3. 1111 and the Wake-Up Call

4. Chemotherapy and the Inner Shift

5. Emotional Healing and the Mind’s Prison

6. Infertility, Depression, and Losing Myself

7. A Portal to Rebirth

8. A Personal Story – A Universal Truth

9. In Deepest Gratitude

1. Diagnosis and the Shock of Realisation

I found a lump in my left breast in June 2019 and instinctively knew it needed to be checked out. I did a mammogram first, and a few weeks later, I went back to the hospital for a biopsy. The following day I received a phone call from my primary care doctor, and based on the tone of his voice, I sensed it was not going to be good news.

Yes, it was breast cancer — invasive ductal carcinoma. And not just that — it was Triple-Negative, a more aggressive and fast-spreading type.

The word “death” crossed my mind.

2. Form Darkness to Light

We are spiritual beings having a human experience on this planet. So when we die, we return to our original home — wherever that may be. Until then, I had believed I was content with my life. That I would have no regrets, even if I were to die now.

I was so wrong.

A huge wave of emotions rushed toward me. I was shocked, sad, and afraid.

I cried like a little child, not knowing what would happen.

The next few hours were the darkest and scariest time of my life.

It felt like sinking into a bottomless ocean of darkness, completely losing the sense of direction.

But that very evening, something shifted.

I felt the light of optimism entering my consciousness, assuring me that I would be OK. I had a sense of knowing that I would overcome the challenge, and it would not last long. 

3. 1111 and the Wake-Up Call

The next day, the number 11:11 on my phone caught my eye.

I had no idea what it meant, so I looked it up. It read:

“1111: A sign of new beginnings, awakening, and manifestation.”

In that moment, I understood:

I see. The diagnosis was a catalyst for my awakening process.

It was a gift from the universe telling me it was time to wake up and find my true self. 

4. Chemotherapy and the Inner Shift

   
   

The next six months were the physically hardest and spiritually most beautiful time of my life.

Chemotherapy was traumatic.

There was nothing pretty about the side effects.

My hair started falling out, and my tongue and nails darkened soon after the 1st round. My eyebrows were thinning, too. It was close to Halloween, so my new appearance was quite suitable for the occasion.

Nausea was the worst enemy of all.

A few hours after each round, I was thrown into a violent storm of nausea. None of the prescribed medications worked, so I just had to endure the sensations until the angry waves gradually subsided, which took about five days.

And yet… I also noticed that the chemo had a potent detox effect on me. Like a clear blue sky after a storm, I experienced a new clarity, peace, and calmness began to rise. Gratitude was blooming. My intuitions and psychic senses were heightened.

When I went for a walk, I could "see" the energy field surrounding the plants and animals. I was in awe of the life force within everyone and everything on earth.

5. Emotional Healing and the Mind's Prison

Every day, I was given an opportunity to face emotional scars from my childhood, regrets, guilt, resentments, and judgment that I had held towards myself and others for decades.

All these years, I saw the world from the mind's prison. As a result, I was giving away a lot of my emotions and energy to the past, disconnecting from the present, which was only an awareness away.

6. Infertility, Depression, and Losing Myself

Along the way, I understood why I had cancer. 

I had been suffering from "unexplained infertility" for several years, which had taken a heavy toll on me. The seeds of sadness, rejection, despair, shame, and disappointment had begun to sprout.

From 2018 onwards, I could no longer see anything ahead of me and fell into a deep pit of depression. At that time, I neither knew I was depressed nor the severity of it. I was emotionally disengaged and numb. 

Not being able to become a mother was so painful and devastating for my soul, so much so that I had secretly begun to wish my life would end.

I was in this mindset for about two years. Every day, the word 'death' was in my mind.

I was slowly killing myself from the inside. 

So the universe responded and manifested my wish in the form of cancer.

7. A Portal to Rebirth

At the same time, it has become a catalyst for my awakening process and pushed me to undergo egg retrieval before the chemotherapy.

New realisations unfolding one after another, like a lotus flower with a thousand petals,

I did not have time to think about the diagnosis. It felt meaningless to label myself as someone who had cancer. It was so much more fascinating to see the world with new eyes.

8. A Personal Story -- A Universal Truth

Please know that this is my story experienced from my perspective.

Still, illness or a challenging situation in life is a wonderful opportunity for growth. 

I also believe that the awakening process does not need to start with a 'smack over the head' kind of experience like mine. All we need is the intention to change.

Fear is an illusion. It seems fearful because we are tapping into unexplored territory.

However, once we set foot with acceptance and trust, a new portal of possibility will open. 

We Are All Creators of Our Own Reality

One day, each of us will graduate from this “Earth school.”

That is a truth we all share.

How we graduate from this Earth school is up to us.

So why not let go of outdated thought patterns and limitations —

and choose to live each day with as much joy, presence, and freedom as we can?

9. In Deepest Gratitude

To my husband who stood by my side,

my family and friends who supported me locally and from overseas,

the teachers and doctors who guided me with care,

and to Oscar, my beloved companion —

thank you.

Not long after finishing chemotherapy, soft, fluffy new hair began to grow. It was a gentle surprise -- hair that had one been straight now began to curl, as if shaped by nature itself. It felt like meeint a new version of myself.

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